


If Only You Knew (How Much I Liked You)

by nerdfighter721



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Bi!Reggie, M/M, but thats okay because reggies friends are always there for him, pan!Luke, reggies parents are terrible people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:34:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27744556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdfighter721/pseuds/nerdfighter721
Summary: Reggie’s mind was filled with the scent of Luke, slightly sweaty with a mix of a-bit-too-overpriced cologne. The feeling of Luke’s toned muscles over his shoulders and the back of his neck was also doing something to Reggie.He snapped out of his thoughts with his shoulder being shaken, he looked to his right and was met with Luke’s bright green eyes and a small pout, “Were you listening to anything I said?”“...yes?” Reggie said slowly. Bobby turned his head away from them and snorted out a laugh, even Alex gave a small smile. Luke, though, raised an unimpressed eyebrow, “No.” He corrected with a sigh, looking down at his bass._______Reggie is love with his best friend and spends his life and the start of his death trying to figure out what that means for him and the band.
Relationships: Luke Patterson/Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Past Luke/Alex - Relationship
Comments: 14
Kudos: 281





	If Only You Knew (How Much I Liked You)

**Author's Note:**

> TW: non graphic physical abuse and verbal abuse (Reggie's parents are terrible)
> 
> This story was inspired by the song 'Heather' by Conan Gray, the title was also taken from a line in the song.

Rehearsal was going pretty well, if Reggie said so himself. They had gotten through their set-list of five songs without a single hitch, which he thought was a good sign, given that they had a gig at the end of the week. Luke and Bobby had, _somehow_ , managed to get them a show at a club - an actual, serving alcoholic beverages club. The type of club that you needed IDs to get into. Bobby had said that the owners didn’t really care how old they were, they just didn’t want to catch them drinking.

“We’re going to _kill it_ , guys!” Luke cheered, his enthusiasm spreading to the rest of the band, as he bounced around bumping fists with each of the band members.

Reggie was the last member he got to and Luke tossed his arm around him, as the lead singer started spouting off everything good about the rehearsal, Reggie found that he could _not_ focus for the life of him. He had been slowly coming to the realization that he had a crush on his best friend, but he really tried to stomp it down as much as he could. 

_You’re straight_ , he kept reminding himself, _you like girls. You can’t like Luke._

That was a dumb argument, and he knew it, but it was his mantra at this point. The only issue with that, was Luke was breathing heavily against him, not having given himself a chance to catch his breath after the five songs, instead his happy voice reflecting around the room. Reggie’s mind was filled with the scent of Luke, slightly sweaty with a mix of a-bit-too-overpriced cologne. The feeling of Luke’s toned muscles over his shoulders and the back of his neck was also _doing something_ to Reggie.

He snapped out of his thoughts with his shoulder being shaken, he looked to his right and was met with Luke’s bright green eyes and a small pout, “Were you listening to anything I said?”

“...yes?” Reggie said slowly. Bobby turned his head away from them and snorted out a laugh, even Alex gave a small smile. Luke, though, raised an unimpressed eyebrow, “No.” He corrected with a sigh, looking down at his bass.

“ _Rude_ ,” Luke pouted.

Alex rolled his eyes, tucking his drumsticks away, “Luke suggested we all go celebrate our good rehearsal with some ice cream,” He told Reggie.

Luke was still pouting, although he hadn’t actually taken his arm away from Reggie yet, “I don’t know, maybe Reg isn’t invited. He clearly has other things on his mind.”

“I’m sorry! I was distracted,” Reggie frowned, taking a moment to realize what he said, his almost-confession. 

Thankfully, Luke didn’t seem to take it that way, although when he looked at his bandmates, Bobby was still quietly chuckling to himself, and Alex gave him a look of understanding that made his heart rate increase. Pout leaving his face in place of a smile, Luke squeezed Reggie’s shoulder, “It’s all good Reg, you can tell us what was so distracting that you missed my speech over ice cream.”

The smile was too much for Reggie, too close for him. They were close enough that it would only take a small turn and leaning forward for their lips to meet.

Woah, _that’s a new thought_.

Reggie was suddenly thankful for his already red face from dancing around the studio as he performed. Ducking out of Luke’s reach, he pulled his bass over his head to get the strap off of him and placed it on his stand, Bobby and Luke doing the same thing. Bobby spoke up as he brushed his hair out of his face, “We taking my car or Alex’s?”

“We’ll go in yours,” Alex said, tapping his crash twice as he walked to the other side of his drums, “My cars still a mess from being Amber’s chauffeur yesterday.”

“How did one thirteen year old make such a mess?” Bobby questioned.

Alex shook his head, “I _wish_ it was just her, I had picked up a few of her friends, too. Try _four_ thirteen year old girls all hyped up on sugar and soda.”

Reggie laughed, he had kept Alex company when the girls wanted to go to the beach by his house, “I didn’t think your sister and her friends were that bad.”

“Yeah, because they calmed down when they saw _you_ ,” Alex retorted, “I had to hear about how cute you were after we left and I drove them to the movies.”

“I don’t know if I should be flattered or weirded out.”

Bobby patted his shoulder, laughing, “It’s Alex’s little sister, let’s not try anything, Reggie.”

Reggie pushed Bobby, “Not what I meant dude!”

“It’s what you said,” He shrugged, opening up the garage doors. Reggie could only start to stutter out an argument before Bobby spoke over him, looking at the three of them, “You guys ready to go?”

Alex nodded, walking towards the doors, collecting Luke and Reggie along the way. The four of them walked over to Bobby’s car, Alex getting the front seat as usual - he said because he was the tallest he needed the most leg room. Reggie and Luke planted themselves in the back.

Reggie decided against asking where they were going, as Luke probably said it when he was too distracted. At the very least, Reggie could breathe a little bit better now that there was some space between him and Luke. 

The lead singer leaned forward between the front seat as Bobby started to drive, stretching the seat belt to its limits, and started adamantly talking about their next gig and the next venues they were going to _try_ to get gigs at. Reggie sat back in his seat and let Luke’s voice wash over him, already knowing that Luke wouldn’t make good on his promise to question him about his earlier distraction. Today, it was clear that Luke’s one-track mind was speeding down Sunset Curve and nothing could take him from it. Reggie was grateful for that, it also meant that he could see Luke’s face light up as he talked excitedly about their future.

* * *

Reggie curled himself up on the couch in his living room after a tiring day of rehearsals, MTV playing back-to-back of the new music videos from this year, something about a mid-year wrap up. Upstairs, his homework laid forgotten, sprawled out across his bed, where he had left it before he headed to the studio. Outside, the sun had just set, just past eight according to the clock above the entryway. His parents were at some dinner for his dad’s job, they would have just left an hour or two ago, but his mom had told him that they would probably be out until ten or eleven.

Green Day’s song _When I Come Around_ started playing, and Reggie hummed the song under his breath as he watched. Bobby was a big Green Day fan, so their songs made it into the mix of music that played in the studio on the stereo, and it was the main band playing whenever they took a trip in Bobby’s car.

From the hallway, Reggie heard the sounds of keys jingling in the doorknob, before it swung open. On instinct, Reggie shrunk into himself, attempting to pull the blanket over his head so that maybe his parents wouldn’t realize he was there. Without even seeing them, he heard the stumbling and slurring of curses that told him his father had too many drinks.

“-good for nothing fucker thinks he can try and steal that deal from me.” His father was growling, “I’ll fucking show him. I’ll fucking show _all of them_.”

Reggie heard his mom attempting to calm her husband, “You need to just sleep this off, Michael. In the morning you can go into the office and apologize to-”

“APOLOGIZE?” His dad roared, and Reggie flinched at that. His parents had come into his view, although they just seemed to be passing the living room. Turning on his wife, who had been holding his arm to help support him, his dad glared and yanked his arm from her, nearly knocking himself off balance. He grabbed the wall for support, “I will _not_ apologize to that pink shirt wearing _queer_!”

“Michael, _honey_ , you can’t end your job like this-” She once again pleaded, but he was no longer paying attention to him.

Reggie must have moved a little too much, or his dad heard the TV in the background, his eyes locked on Reggie and he glared. All at once, Reggie’s breathing started to pick up, wanting nothing more than to pull the blanket completely over his face and vanish into the couch. Instead, his whole body froze, and all he could do was watch as his dad stumbled over to him, “Speaking of good-for-nothings,” His father slurred out, stopping in front of the couch, “GET UP CHILD!” At his words, Reggie unfroze, scrambling to stand up, knowing it was better to just listen to what his dad told him then fight it.

Over his dad’s shoulder, Reggie saw his mom tense, but she did nothing, just watched on in horror as his dad grabbed Reggie’s arm and swung him around so he was facing the TV, “What is this _bullshit_ that you’re watching? Still haven’t realized that you don’t and your shitty little band will never amount to anything?”

Reggie blinked back tears, feeling the tightness around his bicep increase as his dad shook him again, “Respond to me when I ask you a question!”

“It’s just music videos,” Reggie said, voice quiet, cracking a bit from the yelling and pain in his arm.

Forcing him to turn with a rough tug on his arm, his dad spat in his face as he yelled once again, “WHAT ARE YOU CRYING ABOUT, CHILD?” Reggie shook his head, trying to keep the tears away, “Answer me!”

“I-I’m not crying.” Reggie struggled out, but his voice cracked again, betraying him.

“I’ll give you something to cry about!”

Reggie wasn’t even sure how fast things happened next, there was a cry in pain from him, his mom screamed something, he was on the floor, his dad was cursing, then he was running out the door with yelling trailing behind him. His brain didn’t fully start comprehending anything until he collapsed on a smooth cement floor, unsure about how he even got there. All the floors in his house were carpeted, or tiled. 

Faintly, he heard a loud curse and his name to his right and felt a hand touch him. On instinct he flinched, so violently he nearly fell sideways in his attempt to retreat from the person next to him. His brain was still trying to find its way back to his mind, the tears streaming down his face was so much that he couldn’t even try and focus on anything around him. 

With the feeling of the presence no longer against him, he had curled back up into a tight ball against the wall, head ducked between his knees. Taking a few more deep breaths, letting his brain come back to him, he heard someone talking next to him.

The voice was soft, gentle in the way you would talk to a skittish animal, “It’s okay Reggie. You’re okay. You’re here with me in the studio. It’s just the two of us. Everything’s okay. You’re safe now.”

Rubbing his eyes on his jeans and turning his head to his right, he blinked slowly as the person next to him came into focus, “Luke?”

Luke was sitting crisscross on the ground to his right, just out of reach of him, facing towards Reggie. When Reggie said his name, the lead singer smiled slightly, “Hey buddy.” Luke was in a pair of grey sweatpants, a Def Leppard shirt on, with the sleeves cut off, mismatched socks on.

“What - how -” Reggie started, but he wasn’t even sure what questions he wanted to ask, he sniffled instead, tucking his head back between his knees again and rubbing his eyes with the back of his right hand. It suddenly struck him that the back of his hand was wet, as was, he realized a second later, the whole rest of him.

Luke must have seen Reggie’s confusion at his wet-ness, he kept his voice soft, “It’s raining outside. Shitting down, really.”

If Reggie listened, he realized that _yeah_ , it was. He could hear the rain slamming against the studio walls, the ground next to him was also wet, where the rain must have come in when he entered, although he had no memory of that, “Oh.” Reggie said.

“Do you want to change?” Luke asked, Reggie shook his head, he didn’t even think he could stand on his own two legs right now, “Okay, yeah, that’s fine.” Reggie tucked his head between his knees again, turning slightly so he could see Luke. Clearly, the lead singer wanted to do _something_ , but he fiddled with his hands in his lap, as though not wanting to reach out. It took Reggie a few extra seconds to realize that Luke may have already reached out to him once, although he didn’t remember it happening.

Extending his right arm, he held it towards Luke, the other boy raising a questioning eyebrow of _are you sure_. Reggie just wiggled his fingers and Luke took his hand and scooted closer, although still keeping more distance than he usually would have. Reggie gave the lead guitarist a tight smile and tugged Luke closer once again.

All at once, Luke realized what Reggie wanted, he slid up against the bassist and pulled him in. The two of them sitting perpendicular to each other, Reggie still had his knees up, but fell sideways into Luke’s chest, as he wrapped his arms around the rain-soaked boy.

Reggie still had no idea how he got to the studio, but he wasn’t exactly _surprised_. The studio was a safe space for each of the guys. He should have realized that Luke would be here, though, since he had ran away from home a few months ago and made _this_ his new residence. He knew that Alex had already gone home, the two of them left at the same time, Alex having driven Reggie home. Bobby was probably in his room, upstairs in the actual house. 

In Luke’s arm, head resting against his chest, Reggie let his panic slowly subside. His breathing had come to slow back down, he realized that Luke was exaggerating his breaths and Reggie had unconsciously started following his lead, his tears had subsided into soft sniffles and hiccups.

After a bit, Reggie found himself actually shivering from how drenched he was in rainwater. He felt Luke hum, the sound reverberating in his chest, “Maybe you should get changed,” He suggested once again. Moving his left arm from where it was wrapped around Reggie’s torso to his bare arm, to rub some warmth back in him. The moment Luke’s hand touched his bicep, though, Reggie hissed in pain. Immediately, Luke pulled away, Reggie kept his eyes ducked down, but he already knew what was coming next.

“Reggie?” Luke questioned slowly, he had stayed on Reggie’s right hand side the whole time, meaning that he wouldn’t have seen the bruise that Reggie knew was _definitely_ there on his bicep. And, now that attention was brought to his pain, probably his left cheek as well.

Hanging his head, Reggie pulled away, and turned to face Luke fully. He didn’t need to see his reflection to know that he looked bad, _worse_ probably, than Luke thought. Luke winced at the sight of him, before realization came over him and a fire burned in his eyes, “I’ll kill them.” He growled.

Reggie shook his head, his right hand finding its way into Luke’s. Luke’s eyes softened a fraction at the look on Reggie’s face, his hand squeezing Reggie’s, “This isn’t _okay_ , Reg. They _hit you_ -” 

“N-no that’s n-n-not - n-no.” He shivered, and the final resolve to be angry seemed to take a back burner for Luke. 

“Let’s get you in some dry clothes,” Luke sighed, standing up and holding out both his hands for Reggie.

Taking the offered hands, Luke pulled him to his feet, supporting most of his friend's weight, “I-I don’t have a chance of c-cl-clothes.”

“Well, isn’t it lucky that we’re the same size?” Luke let out a little laugh, and Reggie couldn’t help but join in, although his was a bit more of a wheeze.

With Luke’s assistance, Reggie made it over to the bathroom and sat down on the sink counter. Luke produced two large towels and handed them to Reggie, “Dry off, I’m going to grab some clothes for you to change into. Will you be okay for a few minutes?”

Reggie nodded silently, Luke squeezed his hand once before turning and running out of the bathroom. While Reggie wiped down his arms, he listened as he heard Luke running up to the loft, probably to parse through his clothes. Pulling off his shirt was a bit more of a challenge, to avoid his bruised arm and bruised cheek - he didn’t really manage it without three hisses of pain, but he tossed the soaked shirt down to the floor when he finally succeeded. 

Luke appeared again as he was running the towel through his hair. In most other situations, he would have felt a little weird sitting there shirtless while his crush looked on at him for a few seconds too long. Luke must have run back down from the loft, although Reggie didn’t _hear_ him do that, just because the other boy's face was rapidly turning red.

“Here,” Luke said, looking down at the clothes and passing them off to Reggie.

“Thanks,” Reggie mumbled, putting the towel aside.

Luke gestured to the door behind him, “I’ll uh, I’ll wait out here for you to get dressed.” He was decidedly not looking at Reggie, and Reggie absently wondered if his face looked _that bad_. He still hadn’t turned to look in the mirror, but if the bruise on his arm was anything to go by, it probably was. Luke only waited for Reggie to nod in agreement before the lead singer ducked out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him. 

Reggie looked at the clothes in his hand, there was a Black Sabbath shirt, a plaid pair on night pants, and a hoodie from the Nine Inch Nails _Self Destruct Tour_ that Luke had brought the whole band to see last April - easily convincing Bobby to driving them as they all skived off school. Looking at the hoodie in his hands, he knew how _in love_ with it Luke was, it was one of his favorites. He loved it enough that he hadn’t ever cut the sleeves off of it, leaving it exactly how it was. Hugging it to his still bare chest, he inhaled the scent of Luke, a bit of sweat - _always_ a bit of sweat - his favorite slightly over priced cologne, and even a bit of the scent of the cleaning supplies he used to clean his guitars. 

On any other day, Reggie would probably be flustered with being so close to something that Luke held so dear, but today, it settled something in him. The smell calmed him down, brought him back to his actual home of his three best friends. For the first time since he was laying alone in the living room watching MTV, he smiled.

When Reggie finally left the bathroom, dressed in Luke’s clothes - the hoodie was unbelievably soft, and it brought more of a comfort than pain when it brushed on his bruise - Luke was pacing in front of the couch. At the sound of the door closing behind Reggie, Luke looked up and paused his pacing. The sight of his bruise must have reminded Luke of his anger again, his face turned red, although the anger definitely wasn’t in his eyes, instead a small smile came over his face, “You look _so_ much better in that then I ever did.” When Reggie gave Luke a questioning look, Luke blinked and jumped to his side, looking to the coffee table next to him, which had various medicines and a glass of water on it.

“Turns out, Bobby has some pretty useful things in the dresser in the loft,” Luke said, “There’s some bruise medicine, some pain meds, if you want.”

Reggie smiled, “Thank you.” There was a lot behind that thank you, meaning _for the clothes_ , meaning _for taking care of me_ , and meaning _for always being there_.

“It’s the least I can do, man,” Luke responded. 

An hour later, Luke had helped him put the medicine on his face, but he could not get himself to pull off Luke’s hoodie to put it on his arm. Instead, he just downed some pain meds and made sure to drink a few glasses of water. Luke had pulled out the bed inside of the couch and tossed some blankets and pillows onto it. At first, Luke had suggested that he would take the floor so Reggie could have the bed, Reggie had given a fast “please don’t” before he could think better of it. Luke had given him a soft smile that made Reggie’s heart flutter and said, “I’ll be right next to you all night.”

So, as he and Luke laid on the bed together, Luke on his right side as to not jostle the bruises on his left side, Reggie felt a little bit more at peace. He knew, in the morning, everything that happened would probably come crashing back at him with a clarity that he didn’t have today. But for now, he was okay.

The next morning, he woke up curled around Luke, although he didn’t remember when they got into that position. He felt content as the early morning sun peered into the studio, and Reggie idly wondered if maybe he would be able to get over his crush of Luke.

* * *

A few weeks later, Reggie was _not_ getting over it. In fact, he was starting to feel the need to avoid close contact with Luke. He knew he was becoming obvious, his heartbeat speeding up any time they shared a mic, whenever Luke tossed an arm around his shoulder his face would heat up, Luke turning his puppy-eyes on him made him stutter out an approval of _whatever_ he wanted. At this point, Luke could ask Reggie to burn down buildings for him, and he knew he would immediately agree.

The sounds of his parents fighting caused Reggie to climb out his bedroom window and walk down to the beach. The sun had already set and most beachgoers had already left for the night. It was almost ten o’clock on a random Tuesday in June, school was letting out in a week, so the quietness of the beach was something that Reggie could bask in.

Once he was far enough away from his house, he sat himself down in the sand and pulled his knees up to his chest. The waves were a constant in his life, something he would listen to when his house was quiet enough, or what he would seek out when he needed the quiet. Right now he needed it, both for being away from his parents, and to try and work through all these feelings he was having about Luke.

A part of him wished that he thought Luke was straight, it would make it so much easier for him to push past all the feelings he was having if he thought his best friend was unattainable in that way. The problem with that, of course, was that Luke was very much _not straight_. He and Alex had dated for five months last year, while Luke never really came out to them, the fact that they dated was enough to tell Reggie that information. Luke hadn’t even dated anyone since then, as far as Reggie knew, he was so focused on getting the band thrust into fame, Reggie didn’t even think it was a thought that crossed Luke’s mind at the moment.

Which, Reggie realized, should be enough for him to push the thoughts of Luke away. Maybe that’s what he needed to do. Push the thoughts _away_ , not down like he had been doing. Banish them whenever he thought about him. 

Sighing, he planted his chin on his knees and ran his hand along the sand surrounding him. The grainy texture made him smile a bit, growing up with a beach as his backyard was great. A mixture of the sound of the waves crashing against the shore, the grainy sand under his fingers, and the smell of the salt water could always calm him down. Trying to clear his thoughts, just for a bit, he let himself get lost in his senses.

Some point later, he heard someone approaching behind him, footsteps muffled by the sand. He pulled his hands in, as to let the person pass him in peace, but they stopped next to him and he heard them sit down. A small sigh that escaped their mouth told him who it was even before he looked over, “What are you doing here, Alex?”

Alex shrugged, “I needed to get out of the house. Thought I’d come by and check on you.”

Reggie frowned at him, Alex had been having a hard time with his family the last couple weeks, ever since he came out to them. Alex said that, for the most part, his parents just pretended he didn’t exist, but Reggie knew that they were getting into arguments, too. It made Reggie’s heart hurt, besides Bobby, Alex had been the closest with his family. They had been known to go on family vacations - his parents, Alex, and his two sisters - and his parents were always supportive of Alex’s music, and his older sisters dance, and his little sisters art. They had always been so encouraging and wonderful. Until they weren’t.

Leaning over, Alex nudged Reggie’s shoulder with his own, “Hey, stop that. Overthinking’s my thing.”

“I know,” Reggie said, catching Alex’s eyes, he had a small smile on his face, and Reggie matched it, “I’m just - I’m _sorry_ about your parents-”

Alex waved him off, “It’s fine-” Reggie raised an eyebrow and Alex conceded, “Okay, not _fine_ fine, but I can’t change what they think about gay people. I still have Andrea and Amber by my side,” He leaned on Reggie, “I still have you, and Luke, and Bobby by my side. I’m fine.” 

Reggie nodded, brushing the sand off his hands with his jeans, “Anyway,” Alex continued, “What about you? Hiding out from your parents?”

“You heard?” His face scrunched up.

“I went to your house to look for you first,” Alex explained, “I poked my head into your room, but when I saw it was empty, I figured where you were."

“Yeah,” Reggie put his chin back on his knees, “Can we - can we not talk about it anymore?”

“Okay,” Alex shrugged. The two of them sat in silence, enjoying each other's company for some time, before Alex looked over at him, “You want to talk about the Luke thing?”

Reggie groaned and moved so his forehead was on his knees, glad that the dark would completely hide his now-red face, “Am I that obvious?”

Alex laughed quietly, “I don’t know if it’s so much that you're obvious, or that I _also_ had a crush on Luke at one point, so I know what it looks like.”

“I want to keep telling myself that I _don’t_ like him,” Reggie said, sitting up and turning to face Alex, “I mean, I still like girls. I _definitely_ still like girls. So, this _thing_ shouldn’t be a thing, right?”

Alex shook his head, turning to face Reggie as well, “It is a thing, liking both guys and girls. It’s called ‘bisexuality’.”

Reggie’s jaw dropped, “It’s - that’s - there’s a _word for it_?”

“There is,” Alex smiled brightly, “I’ve read about it a couple times. David Bowie’s bisexual, so is Freddie Mercury, George Michael-”

He couldn’t help but laugh, although his mind was _reeling_ , “Are you just listing off singers?”

“They’re mostly who I know about,” Alex responded, taking Reggie’s hand, which he hadn’t even realized started to shake, “But I’m trying to tell you, it’s okay. If you are bisexual, I mean.”

“I don’t-” Reggie started, wanting to say that he didn’t know, but he _did_. The word _bisexual_ resonated with him, it answered the question of what he had been fighting with internally. A brokenness that he was feeling, at seeing both guys and girls as attractive. That word filled that gap in him, “ _Bisexual_ ,” He repeated, letting a small smile come over him, “Yeah, I think I am.”

Alex squeezed his hands, “Thank you for telling me, Reggie. I’m proud of you.”

Reggie nodded, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes, enjoying the salt water air that filled him, when he exhaled he looked back at Alex, “I’m happy I have a word for this now, but - it doesn’t super help the Luke thing.”

“I know,” Alex agreed, “Having a label doesn’t really help make crushes go away, but-” He paused and Reggie raised an eyebrow at him, Alex’s voice dropped down to a whisper, “Avoiding Luke doesn’t help either.”

“You noticed?”

“We _all_ noticed.”

Reggie ran his free hand down his face, he felt the small pieces of sand he hadn’t gotten off on his jeans, “It’s so _hard_ , Alex. When he’s just _there_ with his smile, and eyes, and muscles.”

Alex nodded, “I know, oh my god do I know. But,” He scooted closer to Reggie, so that their shoes were touching, “You also can’t avoid him forever. Yeah, we’re a band, and it reflects when one of us is off in our music but, more than that, we’re best friends. We’re meant to be there for each other, to help each other, and we can’t do that if you start pulling away and not telling us anything.”

“What am I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know about _supposed_ to do, but what I _suggest_ you do is talk to Luke.”

Reggie stared at Alex, “ _Why_?”

“I think it’ll help you feel better,” Alex told him, “Getting it all out in the open.”

“I don’t know about that,” Reggie sighed, shaking his head.

Alex nodded, “I know, it’s scary. I’m also not saying it’s the only thing to do,” He conceded, “I’m just saying it could help you.” He paused, before shrugging, “It’s what I did, I just told him so I could start to get over him, and, well, you know what happened after that.”

Reggie cast his eyes down, pulling his hand away from Alex, “Maybe - maybe at some point I’ll tell him. We just have too much going on right now, the bands on the edge of taking off. I don’t want to put a stop in that.”

It was clear that Alex wanted to argue, Reggie just knew Alex well enough to know he would have an argument set up for that, but Reggie also knew that he was closing up enough that Alex would stop pressuring him. In the end, Alex just hummed and nudged Reggie with his foot, “I’ll be there for you, when you’re ready to.”

“Thanks,” Reggie mumbled out.

The two of them stretched out on the sand after that, and didn’t say much else, just enjoying each other's company until the sun started to peak out from behind them.

* * *

As June came to a close, and July started to sneak in, Reggie thought that maybe he was finally going to tell Luke. In the past few weeks, he had quietly forced himself back into letting Luke into his space. It was obvious that Luke had wanted to talk about it, but now that summer break was upon them, they were getting gigs lined up for at least once a week. The transitional week between June and July, they had three gigs back-to-back, which meant they were filled with rehearsal, rehearsal, _rehearsal._

On the specific day that Reggie was building himself up the nerves to tell Luke, Alex was sitting at his drums, tapping out a beat to _Fall Out of Line_ , a song that they were thinking of using for new material. Bobby’s mom had called him inside for something or another, Luke was sitting on the floor focusing on something in his song book, and Reggie was sprawled out on the couch, trying and failing to keep his eyes off of Luke.

Across the room, Alex looked over and caught Reggie’s eyes. A question of _are you ready_? Seemingly sitting there, and Reggie gave a nervous nod. He _wasn’t_ ready, but he wanted to do it. There were a lot of worst case scenarios running around in his head - most of which were Luke kicking him out of the band, which Alex had debunked many times since Reggie had first told him about that thought - and a best case scenario, that ended with him finally, _finally_ getting to kiss Luke.

Reggie stood up from the couch suddenly, startling Luke enough out of his songwriting to look up at him. He started to walk over to Luke, mouth open to ask if he wanted to talk outside, when the studio doors swung open. Bobby came bursting into the room, unaware of what Reggie was about to do, “GUYS! You’ll never guess who I just got off the phone with.” All eyes turned to Bobby, Reggie silently cursing him, but the rhythm guitarist continued, “The Orpheum! We just got a showcase booked for July 28th!”

“WHAT?” The three of them yelled, all crowding Bobby, questions started to fly. They had been in talks with the Orpheum for a while, trying to get that showcase. Last they heard, two weeks ago, the Orpheum said they’d _get back to them_. They had been planning another trip there in a few days, to bother the booking agent if they hadn’t heard back soon.

“We have a meeting with them on Friday, to sign the contract but we got it!” Bobby was bouncing around, “We got our showcase!”

“WE’RE PLAYING THE ORPHEUM!” Luke cheered, joining in Bobby’s bouncing, and then Reggie and Alex joined in.

From then on, it was all about preparing for the gigs they currently had lined up, then all eyes went onto the Orpheum performance. Nothing else mattered, except for that showcase, not even Reggie’s overflowing feelings for Luke. He was able to brush them aside, because they were playing _the Orpheum_.

* * *

Turns out, dying a slightly tragic death had its moments. They were ghosts now, they could be seen by Julie and other lifers when they were playing music, found out Bobby stole their music and changed his name to kill all association with them, there was an evil ex-magician ghost who branded them, they get told they need to cross over or be forced out of existence, they perform at the Orpheum twenty five years later, _didn’t_ cross over, and got saved by Julie and became sometimes corporal to her.

Reggie was sprawled out on the air mattress in the loft, a month after Julie saved them from their almost non-existence, his bass was resting on his stomach, but the idea of practice was not really on anyone's minds at this point. They had run through a few songs, but in between songs Luke had suddenly started to play a new melody and he and Julie got lost in the land of songwriting. Their heads were bent over the piano, Julie playing some notes, Luke scribbling something down in his songwriting book. 

Clear that the practice was over, Alex stood up from behind his drum set and walked up the stairs to Reggie, “I’m gonna go see if Willie’s busy, you good?”

Reggie nodded, “Yeah man, I’m fine.” He picked up the neck of his bass, “I got this if I get bored.”

Alex hummed, nodding over his shoulder towards Luke and Julie, “Let them know where I left to?”

“Will do,” He smiled, Alex poofed off to wherever he and Willie hung out at. It had taken Alex two weeks before he could find Willie again, after the Orpheum performance. Willie was, thankfully, unscathed, but he told them that he had a feeling that Caleb knew the boys didn’t cross over. Willie had warned them that Caleb was being seen less and less around the club, while none of them knew what to do with _that_ information, they definitely kept an eye out. As it was, Willie and Alex had to meet up at random times, to make sure that they couldn’t be followed by Caleb, if he _was_ following Willie. Still, even with their extra precautions, Reggie was glad that Alex had Willie, that they had found a way to make it work. Willie made Alex happy, so Reggie was happy.

Julie giggled at something Luke said, causing Reggie to glance back down at them. The two of them were shoulder to shoulder, Julie was playing a similar melody on the piano to what Luke had played on his guitar earlier, Luke mumbling some half-formed lyrics to the beat. He knew that they weren’t purposefully leaving him out, he knew that if he walked over there, they would entirely make room for him in their songwriting groove, but he decided just to watch from upstairs.

The two of them were just so _perfect_ together. Reggie had seen them have full conversations with just a few looks, had seen them create masterpieces of songs with their combined talents, if he didn’t know better, he would’ve said that they had known each other their whole lives. Of course, in actuality, they were born in the late seventies, probably around the time Ray and Julie’s mom had been born. Not that it really mattered, when right now, it looked and seemed like they were only a couple years older than Julie.

It wasn’t even like Reggie was _jealous_ of Julie, because he wasn’t. Not really. Luke never had a thing for Reggie, it was just a stupid crush that he had - that he was still trying to get over, all this time later - but Luke had _chemistry_ with her. Some part of him thought about when he pointed that out to Luke, how Luke had sung to him, grabbed his neck and sung only inches away from his face, kissed his fingers and put them against Reggie’s lips. No matter how flustered Reggie had gotten, it was _fine_ , Luke had a thing for Julie and it was _fine_.

Julie really was an angel, he had said it the first time he heard her perform, her talent was un _matched_. She was the kindest soul that Reggie had ever met, she had taken in three stray ghosts without knowing much about them and befriended each of them. She was there to support them, Luke when he went to visit his parents, Alex when he couldn’t find Willie, and even Reggie when she found him playing country songs. So, no, Reggie couldn’t find it anywhere in him to hate her for being the center of Luke’s attention. 

On stage, Reggie thought about, she had the same kind of presence that Luke had. The type of presence that commanded all eyes to be on her, Luke had the same electricity, it was really why no one could look away when those two sang together. It was a type of charisma that Reggie never had; sure, he definitely had fans when Sunset Curve was around, girls who would scream Reggie’s name, but Luke garnered most of the attention. 

The two of them were just so similar, it was so unsurprising that they would’ve taken a liking to each other. 

Julie hopped up from the piano bench and moved to the other side of the piano, Luke’s eyes followed her the whole way. She sang a few lines, tapping a beat on the closed piano, and Luke jumped up, spinning his guitar around and started to play something, harmonizing with Julie.

Suddenly, it felt like a little too much for Reggie to be watching. With a single thought of just being _away_ , he poofed himself out of the garage.

A heartbeat later, he was sitting on the beach that had once been his backyard. Even though his house was long gone, and he had no idea where or what happened to his parents, he found solace in the beach. After twenty-five years, not much had changed about beachgoers, besides the fact that people had phones on them now, he really could be back in 1995. The hustle and bustle of tourists and natives alike lounged around on the beach, even in mid-April the LA weather was good enough for people to be hanging out in the sand and water alike.

It seemed so much longer than just a month or so ago that he last came to this beach. He had only come here twice, as a ghost. The first time coming here was when Luke and Alex cheered him up with a country tune upon finding out his childhood home was gone and he hadn’t been back since they had met up with Willie and he promised to introduce them to Caleb.

Behind him, a family was having a picnic, playing some pop song that Reggie hadn’t heard before out of a speaker. In front of him, he watched families and couples running around on the beach. Off to his right, there was a little girl and boy, working intensely on building a sandcastle and a moat around it. To his left, he saw two guys laying on their backs, hands intertwined, as they spoke to each other in hushed voices.

The waves crashed over the shore, he heard the curses of someone getting pulled into the water by their friends. Reggie smiled, thinking about how many times he and the guys had hung out on this beach. He did associate a lot of good memories with this place, although they started to get soured if he thought too long and too hard about what Bobby did to them. 

Shaking his head, Reggie refocused on the water, letting the sound fall over him, letting the smell of saltwater sink into him. Closing his eyes, he laid on his back and let the time slip from him. He had spent too long thinking about Bobby, and Julie, and Luke, and about Julie _and_ Luke as a single unit. He needed to get out of his own head for a little bit.

A feeling of being shaken brought Reggie back, he quickly sat up and nearly knocked heads with Alex, “Woah dude!”

“Sorry,” Reggie said, before he caught sight of his surroundings. There were less people around, and he realized the sun was finding itself setting on the horizon now, when it had _definitely_ been mostly above Reggie earlier.

Alex nodded when Reggie looked back at him, not letting him ask the question, “It’s about seven.”

“I didn’t - I didn’t mean to-” Reggie stuttered out, eyes wide, but Alex raised his hands to stop him.

“It’s okay Reg, take a deep breath, everything’s _fine_. Luke and Julie just found me, they sent me to see if I could find you.”

Reggie frowned, “I’m sorry-”

Alex shook his head, “It’s _fine_ ,” He repeated, before gesturing to around them, “I had a feeling I knew where I was going to find you. I calmed them down with that.”

Looking around, Reggie started to ask _how_ Alex found him on this particular patch of beach, but a memory came back to him. It was the same place, he realized, he was at when Alex told him that he knew he had a thing for Luke, where Reggie was taught the word _bisexual_.

“I saw the looks you were giving Luke and Julie,” Alex told him.

“I wasn’t giving them _looks_ ,” Reggie argued, Alex’s only response was an eyebrow raise, “Was I?”

“Little bit, yeah,” Alex agreed, before sighing, “I’m sorry we haven’t really talked anymore about all of that since we came back.”

Reggie waved him off, “There’s nothing to talk about. Luke has his sights set on Julie, that’s fine. Who am I to come in between them?”

“Nothing says you’re coming in between them,” Alex mindlessly tapped a beat on his leg, “But, like I said before, I think it would help if you talked to Luke.”

Shaking his head, Reggie found his fingers toying at the plaid jacket around his waist, “I’m getting over him. It’s easier seeing him with Julie, knowing that he’s happy with someone.” He kept his eyes on the arms of his jacket, “It’s good that she’s such a _good person_ , you know? Luke’s been so touchy with her since she saved us, and I know he’s been eager to hug her and hold her since we met. And - and she’s _pretty_ and so _talented_ , the way her and Luke work so well together. They’re basically soulmates.” Reggie laughed humorlessly at that, shaking his head, and rubbing at his eyes with the back of his hand, a little shocked when it came away wet. He pushed on, “And, I’m not _jealous_ of her, because she is all those great things and more, and I _know_ that. She’s a great match for Luke. It’s just -” His voice dropped to just above a whisper, “I - I kinda wish - sometimes - that he was - that I were-” The words died in his throat, because he didn’t _want_ to voice it aloud, he couldn’t bring himself to say that he wished he were in her place, that he wished _he_ were the center of Luke’s affection.

Feeling a hand on his knee, he looks up and makes eye contact with Alex. The drummer has a slightly exasperated look on his face that he’s trying hard to conceal, “Julie is wonderful, I’m not disagreeing with you on that, but - maybe you should talk to Luke before you jump to any conclusions.”

Reggie frowned, “I’m not jumping to any conclusions.”

“You kinda are,” Alex told him with a knowing sigh, pulling his hands away from his the arms of his plaid jacket and intertwining their hands, “I know it’s gonna be hard to talk to him about this, but _please_ believe me, Reggie, you’ll feel so much better if you just get everything out to him.”

“What if - what if Luke thinks it’s weird that I like him? What if it makes things weird in the band?” Reggie worries his bottom lip between his teeth.

Alex frowned, turning fully to Reggie, “Reg, you know Luke and I dated, it didn’t make things weird in the band then, not even when we broke up.”

“It’s _different_! Luke has a crush on someone else now and I _know_ he has a crush, so I shouldn’t just come barging in there telling him about _my_ feelings!”

“It is different,” Alex agreed, “ _But_ , again, you shouldn’t make up Luke’s mind for him. Even what you _think_ is obvious may not be what it seems.”

Reggie’s eyebrows knit together, “You’re not making any sense, Alex.”

Alex dropped his head, took a deep breath, then looked back at Reggie, “I know. I’m sorry. Just _please_ , you need to talk to Luke. I _promise_ you’ll feel better after you do.”

The pleading look in Alex’s eyes was enough to make Reggie give in with a nod, “Fine, but if things go terribly-”

“They won’t.”

“-I’m blaming you for all eternity.”

“They won’t,” Alex repeated, giving Reggie’s hands a squeeze before standing up and dragging the bassist with him. Probably already knowing that Reggie wouldn’t be ready, Alex didn’t wait for any signal from him before poofing them both into the studio.

Leaning against the grand piano with his head in his hands, Luke was mumbling something to Julie, who had her arms wrapped around Luke’s torso, head turned a bit so it was resting on his chest. Reggie felt a little sick and for the first time, wondered if maybe he _was_ jealous of Julie.

The sound of them poofing in got both of their attention and they both spun around. Relief spread over both of their faces and all maybe-jealousy that Reggie felt was gone, replaced by being upset with himself for worrying them. The two of them ran at him and nearly tackled him to the ground, if Alex hadn’t hoped in and stopped the tumble by grabbing Reggie from behind. 

“Were you at the _beach_?” Julie questioned, when she pulled away from the hug, sand on her hands.

A meaningful look passed over Luke’s face, “Were you looking for-” He let himself trail off, aware that neither Reggie nor Alex had really divulged much of their past to Julie yet.

Reggie shook his head, “No, I wasn’t looking for them.” He looked at Julie who had a question in her eyes, “When I was alive, my family lived in a house on the beach. It’s been replaced by a bike shack now.”

“Then _why_?” Luke asked, his voice tight.

Taking a deep breath, glaring at Alex over his shoulder, who just smiled and gestured for him to continue. He was aware that Alex leaned over to Julie and whispered something to her, which made her eyes go wide and she nodded, “Actually, I need to head back into the house. Alex, can you help me with my - homework?”

Reggie stared at her, confused, as Alex nodded and poofed out of the room, leaving Julie to smile, “Glad you’re back and okay Reggie. I’ll see you guys tomorrow!” With that, she turned on her heels and ran out of the studio, shutting the doors behind her and leaving Luke and Reggie alone.

“That was weird, right?” Reggie asked, looking back at Luke.

The boy in question, however, didn’t seem to be affected by it. Instead, he was giving Reggie his sad puppy-dog eyes, his hand finding its way to Reggie’s shoulder, a fire burning where skin met skin “What’s going on, Reg? I went looking down by your house, down by the pier, I didn’t see you anywhere.”

Reggie swallowed hard, looking away from Luke, he just couldn’t look those big green eyes right now, “No, I wasn’t there. It’s - umm - Alex found me at a spot that I went after my parents fought one day. It wasn’t really anywhere special.”

“Special enough that you went back to it when you left here,” Luke commented.

“Yeah, well,” Reggie shuffled his feet, picking at his jacket once again, “It’s sort of -” His voice dropped, barely a whisper, if Luke wasn’t standing so close, he probably would’ve missed it, “it’s the place where I came out to him, before we died.”

“Oh,” Luke said slowly, his hand freezing on Reggie’s arm, before he seemed to realize something, and repeated “ _oh_ ” with more feeling this time.

Reggie did _not_ like the response of just an _oh_ , “Oh what?” He looked up and saw Luke’s eyes were wide, eyebrows raised in surprise. Suddenly, his heart rate increased, what if Luke realized that Reggie’s had a crush and was weirded out by it. Every little thing they had done together, sharing the mics, passing meaningful looks at one another, cuddling together in a bed, was changing the way that Luke saw him. Stepping back, out of Luke’s reach, Reggie shook his head, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything-”

Luke focused back on Reggie, “No!” He jumped forward and took Reggie’s hands, “No, that’s not why I was - I’m happy for you Reg! - I just - It’s just -” He shook his head, and Reggie absently thought about how odd it was seeing Luke be the nervous one, although he was still a wreck himself, “Oh fuck it! Reggie, I like you, _a lot_.”

“I like you too, man,” Reggie responded, slowly, confused, “That’s kind of why we’re in a band together?”

Letting go of one of Reggie’s hands, Luke exhaled and ran a hand down his face, “Not what I _meant_.” He took Reggie’s hand and tried again, “I mean _like_ you, romantically. Like you, as in I’d like to take you on dates, and hold your hand all the time, fall asleep next to you,” He paused for a second, shyly adding, “and kiss you.”

“ _What_?” It wasn’t Reggie’s best response, he knew that, but after it came out of his mouth, he also knew it was the _wrong_ response. Luke’s entire face dropped, it was his turn to step back, away from Reggie. The bassist didn’t let him release their hands, though, “Not - not a bad what! I mean - you and Julie?” He refused to get his hopes up, even as Luke laid his cards on the table, because he _knew_ that he was asking to get his heart broken if he read even a single card wrong.

Luke shook his head, “Julie and I - we talked about it a while ago, right after she saved us. It wouldn’t work out between us, given the whole I’m dead and she’s not thing. But, _more than that_ , I don’t think we’re - she and I - are meant to be romantically involved. We’re more _platonic_ soulmates, you know?”

Reggie’s heart was in his throat, “So, just to be clear, you and Julie?”

“Are not interested in each other in a romantic way. She and I are in full agreement of that.”

“Oh,” Reggie said slowly, “Well, then maybe I should tell you that I’ve - uhh - had a crush on you since December of ‘94?”

Suddenly, Luke let out a relieved laugh, “We’re so stupid, aren’t we?”

Reggie shrugged, “When I came out to Alex, I also told him - well, not really told him, so much as he told me he knew - that I had a crush on you.”

Luke shook his head, “That _ass_ ,” When Reggie gave him a confused look, he continued, “ _I_ told him I had a crush on you back in early ‘95.”

“He’s known this whole time?” Reggie questioned, although it suddenly made sense the conversation that he had with Alex - _both_ times, really. 

“Julie’s known too, for a while. She asked me about it a couple weeks ago.”

“We’re so stupid,” Reggie finally agreed.

“That’s okay,” Luke said, eyes shining as he took a step closer to Reggie, “We have all of time in the world to make up for how stupid we were.” Taking another step, Luke was almost nose-to-nose with Reggie, he could feel his face heating up at the closeness of their bodies. Luke’s voice was low, making the little air between them dance, “You’re cute when your face gets all red.”

It was weird, how even though they were dead, Luke still carried his scent with him. That smell of sweat and cologne filled Reggie, his heart _soared_ , even as his voice squeaked when he spoke, “You’re enjoying this far too much.”

“I’ve waited a long time to tell you that,” Luke told him, letting go of one of Reggie’s hands, instead moving it so it was cradling Reggie’s face, his thumb tracing Reggie’s lips. The bassist involuntarily gasped, causing Luke to smile.

After far too long of a wait, of Luke teasing him, Reggie let out a little whine of “ _Luke_ ” and that seemed to be all the consent that Luke needed. Letting go of Reggie’s other hand, both of Luke’s hands were cupping either side of Reggie’s face, the first moments of the kiss were awkward, bumping noses and teeth, before they found their groove.

The kiss tasted slightly of cheap Chapstick that Luke carried around in his pocket for the longest time, probably still did, for the colder months. Reggie could feel the very slight, invisible to the naked eye, stubble on Luke’s face. The whole scent of the lead guitarist filling him entirely, it was like when he would pull Luke’s favorite hoodie tight around him, burying his face in it, except it was all of Luke around him.

Reggie’s hands found their way to snake around Luke’s waist, pulling him impossibly closer, as he deepened the kiss. Luke’s hands moved up into Reggie’s hair, tangling his hands into them, Reggie was only vaguely aware that he made a noise in the back of his throat that was probably supposed to be Luke’s name, but didn’t fully come out. Against his lips, he felt Luke grin.

In retaliation, Reggie pulled Luke in even closer, the boy practically standing on Reggie’s shoes at this point, and nibbled at Luke’s lower lip. He felt Luke’s whole body shiver as he moaned out a soft “ _Reg_ ”.

Mission accomplished, Reggie also grinned, but before he could try anything else, he heard Alex enter the room, already talking, having just phased through the door, “Hey guys, it’s been quiet- _oh_ -”

Luke and Reggie pulled away, out of breath, even though they didn’t really _have_ to breathe. Luke’s lips were swollen and his face bright red, and Reggie could only imagine he looked the same. 

Alex looked at both of them, a shit-eating grin on his face, “So uh, you guys good?”

Reggie’s hand found its way into Luke’s, he laughed breathlessly, “Yeah, yeah, we’re good.”

“Good,” Alex nodded, before his smile softened, “I’m happy for you two.”

“Yeah,” Luke said, laughing, “Thanks Alex.”

Alex shrugged, “Now that I know everything’s good here and you two actually talked,” He summoned his drumsticks to his hands, spinning them between his fingers, “I’ll be back upstairs with Julie. You two are more than welcome to join us, but just know I’ll be gone for the next hour or so.” He winked at them before poofing out of the room.

“Alex is _never_ going to let us live this down, is he?” Reggie complained.

Luke shrugged, looking back at Reggie, his face still red, his big green eyes commanding for Reggie’s full attention, not that he ever had any competition in that field, “Probably not, but I don’t think I can say I mind very much.”

Reggie laughed, but he realized he did agree with Luke. He really didn’t mind. Not while he had Luke by his side, not while he knew Luke felt the same way he did.

Alex came back, an hour later, to find Reggie and Luke curled up asleep on the couch together. Sitting more on Reggie’s lap than Luke’s, was Luke’s songbook. Without even looking at it, Alex already knew that it was open to one of the _many_ songs that Luke had written about Reggie. Maybe Luke had finally even come clean about the _real_ meaning behind Crooked Teeth, the love ballad that Luke refused to agree was a love ballad.

Reggie was mostly sitting up, an arm wrapped around Luke’s shoulder. Luke was completely curled into Reggie’s side, head on the bassist’s shoulder, arms wrapped loosely around his torso. Reggie’s head was resting softly on top of Luke’s.

It was times like these that he _wished_ they would show up on camera, because this was an image that he never wanted to forget. Instead, though, he poofed up to the loft to grab a blanket and came back down. Taking the songbook out of the way and setting it on the table, Alex tucked the blanket around his two best friends, before poofing himself back up to the loft and stretching out on the air mattress. 

It was a long time coming, he thought in his last moments before sleep overtook him, but he was glad that they got there in the end. 


End file.
